There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
