The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
