My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
