I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
