Who did Billy Mays play for?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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