Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
