I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
