Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
