I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
