He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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