butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
