Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
