I didn't shave. On purpose
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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