the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
