theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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