toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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