he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
