Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
