my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
