the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
