shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
