Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
