Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
