I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
