dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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