Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
