Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
