I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
