the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
