just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
