It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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