there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
