did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
