My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
