I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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