mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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