Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
false alarm. still invincible.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
