someone owes me an orgasm
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
