and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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