Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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