Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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