nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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