you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
