but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
