On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
