I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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