I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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