woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
