I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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