WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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