Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
