OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
