One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
